Madrilenen pakken tweede geel. (Champions League Seizoen 2010/2011)

Love Thisa...

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post Office and you want to show me the way to heaven!!!."

Punda...

Siku moja punda alienda kwa SIMBA 'mfalme wa mbuga' kushitaki wenziwe
wanaomcheka na kumuita PUNDA, jina hili la punda hakulipenda kabisa
kwa sababu wenziwe wanasema jina hilo ni kwa ujinga mwingi alonao huyo
punda ndipo akaitwa punda. Mazungumzo yao yakawa hivi:

Simba: Wacha nikupe mtihani mdogo kupima akili yako kama kweli wewe ni
mjanja na mwerevu kama wenzio, ukishinda mtihani huu nitakubadili jina
na kukuita Farasi.
Punda: Nipime ujanja wangu na utanikuta ni mwerevu sana kushinda
wenzangu.
Simba: Sawa, sasa nenda mbiooooo mpaka nyumbani kwangu ukaniangalie
nipo huko au sipo nyumbani mwangu? Halafu urudi unipe jibu.
Punda: Kazi rahisi sana hiyo, nisubiri hapa nakuja sasa hivi.
Basi bwana Punda akatoka mbio hadi kwa nyumbani kwa mfalme kwenda
kumwangalia kama yupo.
Kweli Punda zuzu, sasa anakwenda kumwangalia nani wakati mfalme
mwenyewe amemuacha njiani.
Aliporudi mambo yakawa hivi:
Simba: Enhee vipi umenikuta?
Punda: Mh! Haupo.
Simba: Basi kama ndivyo, utaendelea kuitwa Punda hivyo hivyo kutokana
na akili yako ndogo. Sasa umekwenda kwangu kunitafuta vipi wakati
umeniacha hapa? Haya potea hapa haraka sana, Punda wewe! Kuanzia hapo
jina la Punda linabaki kuwa hivyo hivyo!!!

ONE8 - Hands Across the World (Official Music Video)

PERFECT ANSWERS TO STUPID QUESTIONS....

1. When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask:- Are you sleeping?
A: No! I'm training to die:s

2. Imagine when you take an electronic equipment to a technician to get it fixed and he still asks you:- Need it to be fixed?
A: No, it got bored of staying home alone so I brought It over for a ride. >:O

3. When It's raining and someone notices you going out, they ask: - Are you going out in this rain?
A: No, in the next one.=-?

4. When you wake up, then comes an idiot asking you: - You Awake?
A: No. I'm sleep walking!(=|

5. Your friend calls your home phone:- Where are you?
A: At the bus stop!:/

6. They see you wet coming from the bathroom:- Did you just have a bath?
A: No, I fell in the toilet bowl! 8-|

7. You are standing right in front of the elevator on the ground floor and they ask:- Going up?
A: No, no, I am waiting for my apartment to come down and get me. (y)

8. Your boyfriend comes to your house with a bunch of flowers. And you still ask him:- are those Flowers?
A: No baby! They are Carrots.:*

9. You're in the toilet when someone knocks on the door asking: - Is anyone in there?
A: No! The SHIT is talking to you!
>:/

Ujumbe wa leo...

Sometimes the chains that prevent us from being free are more mental than physical

Blessed!!!!

This is an expression of God's Unpredictable plans…………….!!!!

Cover them Lord and supply their needs according to your riches in glory. Bless their hearts always! Beautiful! Had to share....this is BEAUTIFUL!! BLACK LOVE!!

This has got to be the picture of the year….truly awesome! Please pass this one along….. that’s it for the day!


This is the Columbus, Ohio family that just had the sixtuplets, this picture is priceless!

lolEST!

MWANDISHI: Wewe unawalisha ng'ombe chakula gani?

MKULIMA: Ng'ombe yupi Mweupe au Mwekundu?

MWANDISHI: Ng'ombe mweupe

MKULIMA: Ninamlisha nyasi na viguta vya mahindi

MWANDISHI: Na mwekundu?

MKULIMA: vilevile nyasi na viguta vya mahindi

MWANDISHI: ahaa sawa,na sehemu ya kulala ni wapi?

MKULIMA: Ng'ombe yupi mweupe au mwekundu?

MWANDISHI: Mweupeee!!!!

MKULIMA: Mweupe ninamlaza bomani kulee

MWANDISHI: na mwekundu?

MKULIMA: vile vile namlaza na mwenziwe.

MWANDISHI: Hii sehemu yote majumba mengi wakati wa kulisha unafanyaje?

MKULIMA: Yupi mweupe au mwekundu?

MWANDISHI: Woooteeee!!!! {kwa hasira}

MKULIMA: Mweupe ninamfunga kamba na kumzungusha malishoni na kumrudisha

MWANDISHI: Na mwekundu vilevile?

MKULIMA: Mwekundu? Mwekundu yeye ninamfunga kamba na kuzunguka naye kama mwenziwe tu.

MWANDISHI: Kwanini kila mara nikikuuliza kuhusu huduma za ng'ombe wako unaniuliza mweupe au mwekundu halafu inatokea kuwa wote unawapa huduma sawa?????

MKULIMA: Kwa sababu ng'ombe mweupe ni wangu,

MWANDISHI: Na mwekundu?

MKULIMA: Na mwekundu vile vile ni wangu.

Look at this....!

THIS SHOULD MAKE YOU SMILE.... :-)

I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy'

Then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So, that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'

Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'

(You're gonna love this....)

......

Red-carded footballer drives car at referee

A footballer faces jail after admitting driving his car onto the pitch and at the referee after being sent off.

Joseph Rimmer was red carded by referee David Harkness for a ferocious tackle while playing for Lonsdale against Harrington in the Southport and District Sunday League on Valentine's Day.

The 28-year-old was furious at being dismissed, and stormed off the pitch - then stunned players and supporters by jumping into his car and driving back onto the field of play.

RImmer admitted driving his car at Harkness on the council-run pitches in Southport, forcing the referee to dive out of the way at the last minute to avoid being run over.

Defence lawyer Philip Tully told Liverpool Crown Court that his client saw red and was trying to have the match called off.

"He drove on to the pitch in an attempt to get the match abandoned," said Tully.

"He accepts he drove towards the referee and his comments and threats to the referee when he got out the car amount to affray.

"He understands this is a serious matter. What happened was highly unpleasant for Mr Harkness."

Judge Adrian Lyon bailed Rimmer - who has no previous convictions - pending sentencing on condition that he stay away from local league football matches and Mr Harkness.

Pay Rise

A maid asks for a pay rise.

“Why do you deserve one?” asks the lady of the house.

“Well, there are three reasons,” replies the maid: “Firstly, I iron better than you.”

“Who said that you iron better?” asks the lady of the house.

“Your husband said so,” replies the maid: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”

“Nonsense,” says the lady of the house: “Who said you are a better cook than me?”

“Your husband,” replies the maid: “And the third reason is that I am a better lover than you.”

“Did my husband say that as well?” asks the lady of the house.

“No, the gardener did.”

The lady of the house doubled her salary later that day.

African Leaders

AFRICAN LEADERS

Abdulai Wade age 83
Hosni Mubarak ( Egypt ) age 82
Robert Mugabe ( Zimbabwe ) age 86
Hifikepunye Pohamba ( Namibia ) age 74
Rupiah Banda ( Zambia ) age 73
Mwai Kibaki ( Kenya ) age 71
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf ( Liberia ) age 75
Colonel Gaddafi (Libya) age 68
Jacob Zuma (South Africa) age 68
Bingu Wa Mtalika (Malawi) age 76
____________ __________________
Average Age: 75.6 ~ Approximately 76 years
____________ __________________

THE FIRST WORLD LEADERS

Barrack Obama (USA) age 48
David Cameron (UK) age 43
Dimitri Medvedev (Russia) age 45
Stephen Harper (Canada) age 51
Julia Gillard (Australia) age 49
Nicolas Sarkozy (France) age 55
Luis Zapatero (Spain) age 49
Jose Socrates (Portugal) age 53
Angela Merkel ( Germany ) age 56
Herman Van Rompuy ( Belgium ) age 62
____________ __________________
Average Age: 51.1 ~ Approximately 51 years
DIFFERENCE: 25 years

Nice..!

Marriage Life: Complete & Finish

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH...



But there is. When u marry the right one, you are COMPLETE....



And when u marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.....



And when the right one catches u with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY
FINISHED

ENJOY.........

Each Friday night after work, Sardarji would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Sardarji and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Sardarji attended Mass... And as the priest sprinkled holy water
over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised as a Sikh, but from now, you are a Catholic."

Sardarji's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.

The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Sardarji's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Sardarji, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised as a chicken and you were raised as a lamb but now onwards you are a potato and you are a tomato..

Fill in the Blanks

who said English is easy fill in the blanks with yes or no....
____ i don't have brain
____i am stupid

EXCLUSION CLAUSE

A man, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be..

He had divorced his wife, lost his children, lost his job.

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle and smashes it into the
concrete wall swearing,
'You are the reason I don't have a wife',
second bottle, 'You are the reason I don't have my children',
third bottle 'You are the reason I lost my job'.

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer.
He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says
'I know you were not involved'.

Job Application...

Dear Sir

I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager.

Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I can remember you saying on the funeral that he will be very difficult to
replace, meaning there is no one at the moment. Well it's your lucky day sir; you already have found the best man for the job so look no more.

It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits all should be the substance of a fine businessman. Ironic, yes but death is truly very fair. Just imagine, the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds.

The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to simply jump over the Durawall into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my hands to quickly buy a drivers' licence as I am sure the Toyota 4x4 will also be handed over to me. And sir, don't even try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just goes on to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities that speak for themselves.

I am sure that after reading this, there won't be any need for a CV, just verification if I am up for the challenge. For that sir, I will be sending my pictures taken whilst attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was and can be when employed. As for my referees, well the same dead manager was my referee so we can safely skip that part.

I only hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning. Thanks for advertising at the funeral because I could not have known

Yours ever smiling even in tough times.

Toughman Strong.

Big Smile From Mbeya,,,

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles

on their faces. After autopsies, the pathologist calls the police to
tell them what has happened.

"First body: a Mhaya, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says
the pathologist.

"Second body: "a mkuria, 25, won a hundred thousand shillings in the
sweepstakes, spent it all on whisky & gongo. Died of alcohol
poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the pathologist, "this is the most unusual one.,
mnyakyusa in from mbeya, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"he Thought he was having his picture taken."

I see u...!!!

Prescription....

Warren Buffett

Boss!

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. 'Hello ?'

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

'Yes,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, 'No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' 'Yes'

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman.'

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

'No, he's busy,' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

'Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,

'The search team just landed a helicopter'

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

'ME.'

The man called Adam Lusekelo!

Shkamoo Mzee Kikwete

Ah so. Mzee Dr Mohamed Gharib Bilal has bounced back as running mate of the incumbent president, Jack Mrisho Kikwete. Fine. Makes one think, who is he? The Mzee has been hovering in the background of the Zanzibar politics for ages.

One would have thought that he would have retired from Zanzibar politics and play with grandkids while sipping spiced tea. Not Mzee Bilal. He seemed to enjoy the political fray in the Isles. His opponents cursed him and most have wished that he would disappear in some forest in Zenj. But he would not go away.

He looks quite a spright old fellow and maybe he should stick around, laying foundation stones, opening dispensaries and having spiced teas. As you know, in most of our countries, these old guys never retire. PS and an assortment of civil servants can retire. Not politicians.

It reminds one 0f the late Mzee Deng-Tsiao Ping in Chinese politics of the mid-80. Father of China, the late Mao-Tse-Tung tried very much to oust this communist comrade, but Mzee Teng just would not go away. He eventually achieved power when Mao died. Now Mzee Teng is credited to the four modernizations which have made China a world power.

Old chaps can be quite handy in some places. They have a tendency to say ‘No’ and mean just that. Stubborn is the word. Teng Tsiao Ping stood up to the late Chairman Mao
To the chagrin of his boss and in the end he won with his neck intact on his shoulder.

In Bongo what we see is a bunch of psychophants who would agree with anything to please their boss. I hope Dr Bilal means it when he says that he will work diligently and obey the boss. I am sure in his age, he has come to realize that sometimes ‘working dilligently’ means saying ‘No’ to the boss. You see bosses all over the world always listen to what they want to hear and disregard the rest.

Most of us have never liked the scandals which have beset the outgoing government. Most of us are outraged with a sense of impunity by our rulers and no punishment for it. Is Dr Bilal going to look at Jack Mrisho in the eye and tell him, frankly, that this cannot go on? We hope so.

Oh, by the by, how will these two guys greet each when they meet at work? I find it hard to imagine Dr Bilal smiling sheepishly at his boss and saying: “Shkamoo, Mheshimiwa rais…”

I think they will resort to: “Assalam Aleykum.” Will be in order. Although The Prez, Jack is quite westernized and for the rest of us he does not mind a: “Hi Mr President…”

You see, why I am saying that, is because there are all those boot-lickers who grovel to power to the extent of embarrassing most other people. Something like: “Shkamoo mtukufu rais. Everything is ready mzee…”

Mzee? Surely Jack is not a mzee. He is middle-aged and to see old octogenarians address him as ‘mzee’ is liable to make us faint.

Ramadhan Karim

Two Christians were lost in the Sahara desert.
One is David, the other is Michael.
They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like an emirate with a mosque in the middle.
David said to Michael: "Look, let's pretend we are Muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. I am going to call myself "Mohammed."
Michael refused to change his name, he said:" My name is Michael, and I will not pretend to be other than but what I am. ...Michael."
The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names.
David said: "My name is Mohammed."
Michael said: "My name is Michael."
The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said :
"Please bring some food and water for Michael only."
Then he turned to the other and said :
"Well Mohammed I hope you are aware that we are still in the holy month of Ramadan."
"This is a lesson for people who change their identity for the purpose of getting favour "
INTEGRITY IS DOING WHAT IS RIGHT EVEN IF NOBOBY IS WATCHING:

Lesson to All Women

A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his Batman costume (mask) and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She put on a Goldilocks costume (mask). So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband enjoying himself on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he cuddled and occasionally giving a little kiss here and there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive woman herself, his husband left his new partner devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After some more drinking he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had quick sex in the back seat.

She slipped away before unmasking herself or her husband and went home and put her costume (mask) away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played darts all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that Batman costume playing darts all night!" She said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my Batman costume to your Dad who seemed to have had a jolly good time on the dance floor. I am told that he was seen by Frank taking a prostitute in a Goldilocks outfit out for a few minutes. Don't ask me what they did; you know your dad still wants to behave like a kid."

Moral of the story: Don't try to sneak up on your husband/wife pass it on to all ladies/Men you Know

An explanation: Why Maradona wears two watches

Asking why Maradona does any of the wacky things he does is usually a futile attempt at finding a brick of logic in a hurricane of madness, but when it comes to why Maradona wore two watches while leading Argentina against Nigeria Saturday, there actually is an answer.

Maradona always wears two watches when he travels - one set to local time and one set to the time back in Argentina. Plus, as a man of extravagant taste (he also wears large diamond earrings and, of course, has a special expensive toilet seat installed in his hotel bathroom), Maradona also has a taste for fancy watches. A taste that the Italian tax authorities have enjoyed as a means of recouping a bit of the $39 million in back taxes he owes from when lived there while playing for Napoli. In 2006, they seized a pair of Rolexes from Maradona while he visited Naples for a charity match.

[Photos: See more of Argentina's legendary coach]

With those Rolexes long gone, Maradona now wears a pair of his own Hublot special edition watches that feature a silhouette of the former No. 10 raising his arms in victory (or perhaps to knock in a goal).

Of course, Maradona's accessories weren't limited to a pair of watches for the Nigeria match. In addition to the timepieces and his Goodfellas suit, he also clutched Rosary beads to help him pray for a fair match. And despite the best efforts of Nigerian goalkeeper Vincent Enyeama, Argentina got the victory.

If these results continue for Maradona, look for two watches to become a globe-sweeping trend. Paris Hilton will be wearing pink ones by July. Now you know who to blame.

Confession...!

LESSON FOR TODAY

Sometimes, we try too hard to get to the greener grass.

In the process, we end up in trouble........ And when you find yourself in trouble and you're stuck in a situation that you can't get out of, there is one thing you should always remember.......


Not everyone who shows up.......

Is there to help you!!!!

============================================================================

SOME ARE THERE JUST TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION..................

Grandma

Grandma & Grandpa
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting
Their kids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Vi gra in
His son's medicine cabinet, he asked
About using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should
Take one Dad; they're very strong
And very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"$10. A pill," Answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to
Try one, and before we leave in the
Morning, I'll put the money
Under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found
$110 under the pillow. He called
Grandpa and said, "I told
You each pill was
$10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The
Hundred is from
Grandma!"

21st Century

21^st Century developments....

We are becoming lesser by the day

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Boss - Brainless

Our Salary - Very less

Our emails - useless!!!

Beware in this general election....

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when
he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop
and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But
sir, I have a wife and three children!" the second man answered. "Bring them
as well!" the wealthy lawyer said. They all climbed into the limo and once
underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for
taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "My pleasure, the grass in my
back yard is about two feet tall."

Moral of the story; not every one who pities you sorts your problem

JUS TO CHEER YA DAY

An airplane was flying over the United States one
night. Then the pilot said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the
plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown
out". A little later, the pilot said "We're
still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in
the cabin". The plane continued to descend despite more
things being thrown out.
Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some
people". There was a big gasp from the
passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be
thrown out in alphabetical order.
So...A... any Africans on board?" No one
moved.
"B... any Blacks on board?" No one
moved.
"C... any Coloureds on board?" Still, no one
moved.
"D... any Darkies?" Then a little black boy
- asked his dad:
"Dad what are we?
Dad: "Tonight son, we are Zulus!"

Nature.....

I love Gado....

Mkalimani

An American preaching couple (Reverend Mr & Mrs Stumbles) held a crusade in Kiambu where Njoroge, their Kiswahili translator, did a real mess of the whole event.. & meaning

Rev STUMBLE: Everything comes from above.
Njoroge: Vitu vyote huja juu juu,
STUMBLE: So you see my brothers and sisters,
Njoroge:Basi ndugu zangu waangalieni akina dada,
STUMBLE: know perfectly well,
Njoroge: Na muwajue vizuri sana ,
STUMBLE: That all world affairs,
Njoroge:Kwamba mapenzi yote duniani,
STUMBLE: are successfull only if held from above,
Njoroge:Hufanikiwa tu ikiwa mmeshikana juu juu.
STUMBLE: Remember, faith is your pillar,
Njoroge:Kumbuka kuuamini mlingoti wako,
STUMBLE: Keep it first and above,
Njoroge:uuweke kwanza juu juu.
STUMBLE: Let it run very deep and stong,
Njoroge:Ndo kisha uukimbize ndani kabisa tena kwa nguvu,
STUMBLE:Should anybody want to test you,
Njoroge:Mtu yeyote akitaka kukuonja,
STUMBLE:will feel its work,
Njoroge:Ataisikia kazi yake
STUMBLE: Then from deep inside you'll feel peace pouring out,
Njoroge:ndo kisha baadaye utasikia kutoka ndani sehemu moja ikimwagika nje,
STUMBLE: That peace will flow and enter even those you are with,
Njoroge:Sehemu hiyo ita tiririka na kumwingia uliye naye,
STUMBLE: and that peace will remain.
Njoroge:Na sehemu hiyo itabakia.
STUMBLE: Amen.
Njoroge: Huyo ni mwanamme