Beware in this general election....

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when
he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop
and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But
sir, I have a wife and three children!" the second man answered. "Bring them
as well!" the wealthy lawyer said. They all climbed into the limo and once
underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for
taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "My pleasure, the grass in my
back yard is about two feet tall."

Moral of the story; not every one who pities you sorts your problem

JUS TO CHEER YA DAY

An airplane was flying over the United States one
night. Then the pilot said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the
plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown
out". A little later, the pilot said "We're
still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in
the cabin". The plane continued to descend despite more
things being thrown out.
Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some
people". There was a big gasp from the
passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be
thrown out in alphabetical order.
So...A... any Africans on board?" No one
moved.
"B... any Blacks on board?" No one
moved.
"C... any Coloureds on board?" Still, no one
moved.
"D... any Darkies?" Then a little black boy
- asked his dad:
"Dad what are we?
Dad: "Tonight son, we are Zulus!"

Nature.....

I love Gado....

Mkalimani

An American preaching couple (Reverend Mr & Mrs Stumbles) held a crusade in Kiambu where Njoroge, their Kiswahili translator, did a real mess of the whole event.. & meaning

Rev STUMBLE: Everything comes from above.
Njoroge: Vitu vyote huja juu juu,
STUMBLE: So you see my brothers and sisters,
Njoroge:Basi ndugu zangu waangalieni akina dada,
STUMBLE: know perfectly well,
Njoroge: Na muwajue vizuri sana ,
STUMBLE: That all world affairs,
Njoroge:Kwamba mapenzi yote duniani,
STUMBLE: are successfull only if held from above,
Njoroge:Hufanikiwa tu ikiwa mmeshikana juu juu.
STUMBLE: Remember, faith is your pillar,
Njoroge:Kumbuka kuuamini mlingoti wako,
STUMBLE: Keep it first and above,
Njoroge:uuweke kwanza juu juu.
STUMBLE: Let it run very deep and stong,
Njoroge:Ndo kisha uukimbize ndani kabisa tena kwa nguvu,
STUMBLE:Should anybody want to test you,
Njoroge:Mtu yeyote akitaka kukuonja,
STUMBLE:will feel its work,
Njoroge:Ataisikia kazi yake
STUMBLE: Then from deep inside you'll feel peace pouring out,
Njoroge:ndo kisha baadaye utasikia kutoka ndani sehemu moja ikimwagika nje,
STUMBLE: That peace will flow and enter even those you are with,
Njoroge:Sehemu hiyo ita tiririka na kumwingia uliye naye,
STUMBLE: and that peace will remain.
Njoroge:Na sehemu hiyo itabakia.
STUMBLE: Amen.
Njoroge: Huyo ni mwanamme

Its in the Bible: Men should make Cofffee for the Mrs! ....

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . "HEBREWS"... lolest

This could happen to you .

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other toilet saying:
'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
'Doin' just fine!'

And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
'No..I'm a little busy right now!!!'

Then I hear the person say nervously....

'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other toilet who keeps answering all my questions.'


Mobile phones, don't you just love them!

disminder