Kids...

*Kids **Are **Quick** **
______________________________

______** **

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .**
MARIA: **Here it is.** **
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?**
CLASS: Maria. **
____________________________________** **

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?**
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. **
__________________________________________** **

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'**
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' **
TEACHER: No,that's wrong**
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. **

(I Love this kid)** **
____________________________________________** **

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?**
DONALD: H I J K L M N O. **
TEACHER: What are you talking about?**
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________ **

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.**
WINNIE: Me! **
__________________________________________ **

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?** **
GLEN: ** Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________ **

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '**
MILLIE: I is.. **
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'**
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'** **
________________________________ **

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?**
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.** **
______________________________________ **

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?**
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________ **

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?** **
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________**

....what??

"Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mom through??!!"

The daughter, crying:

"Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute.. ."

"WHAT?????? Out of here, you shameless harlot, sinner, you're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this fur coat and title to a mansion, a savings account certificate of $5 million for my little brother, and for you, Daddy, this gold Rolex, the spanking new BMW that's parked outside and a lifetime membership to the Country Club .. an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera , and ...

"Now what was it you said you had become?"

Girl, crying again: Sniff, sniff "A prostitute Dad!" .. Sniff, sniff

"Oh! Gee - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said

"A Protestant".

Auditor...

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, 'If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?' The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, 'Okay.'

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, ''You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'

The shepherd cheers, 'That's correct, you can have your sheep.'

The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks, 'If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?'

The young man answers, 'Yes, why not?'

The shepherd says, 'You are an auditor.'

'How did you know?' asks the young man.

'Very simple,' answers the shepherd. 'Firstly, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business..... Now can I have my dog back?'

for you....