EXCLUSION CLAUSE

A man, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be..

He had divorced his wife, lost his children, lost his job.

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle and smashes it into the
concrete wall swearing,
'You are the reason I don't have a wife',
second bottle, 'You are the reason I don't have my children',
third bottle 'You are the reason I lost my job'.

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer.
He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says
'I know you were not involved'.

Job Application...

Dear Sir

I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager.

Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I can remember you saying on the funeral that he will be very difficult to
replace, meaning there is no one at the moment. Well it's your lucky day sir; you already have found the best man for the job so look no more.

It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits all should be the substance of a fine businessman. Ironic, yes but death is truly very fair. Just imagine, the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds.

The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to simply jump over the Durawall into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my hands to quickly buy a drivers' licence as I am sure the Toyota 4x4 will also be handed over to me. And sir, don't even try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just goes on to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities that speak for themselves.

I am sure that after reading this, there won't be any need for a CV, just verification if I am up for the challenge. For that sir, I will be sending my pictures taken whilst attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was and can be when employed. As for my referees, well the same dead manager was my referee so we can safely skip that part.

I only hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning. Thanks for advertising at the funeral because I could not have known

Yours ever smiling even in tough times.

Toughman Strong.

Big Smile From Mbeya,,,

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles

on their faces. After autopsies, the pathologist calls the police to
tell them what has happened.

"First body: a Mhaya, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says
the pathologist.

"Second body: "a mkuria, 25, won a hundred thousand shillings in the
sweepstakes, spent it all on whisky & gongo. Died of alcohol
poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the pathologist, "this is the most unusual one.,
mnyakyusa in from mbeya, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"he Thought he was having his picture taken."

I see u...!!!

Prescription....

Warren Buffett

Boss!

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. 'Hello ?'

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

'Yes,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, 'No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' 'Yes'

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman.'

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

'No, he's busy,' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

'Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,

'The search team just landed a helicopter'

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

'ME.'