Job Application...

Dear Sir

I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager.

Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I can remember you saying on the funeral that he will be very difficult to
replace, meaning there is no one at the moment. Well it's your lucky day sir; you already have found the best man for the job so look no more.

It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits all should be the substance of a fine businessman. Ironic, yes but death is truly very fair. Just imagine, the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds.

The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to simply jump over the Durawall into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my hands to quickly buy a drivers' licence as I am sure the Toyota 4x4 will also be handed over to me. And sir, don't even try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just goes on to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities that speak for themselves.

I am sure that after reading this, there won't be any need for a CV, just verification if I am up for the challenge. For that sir, I will be sending my pictures taken whilst attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was and can be when employed. As for my referees, well the same dead manager was my referee so we can safely skip that part.

I only hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning. Thanks for advertising at the funeral because I could not have known

Yours ever smiling even in tough times.

Toughman Strong.

Big Smile From Mbeya,,,

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles

on their faces. After autopsies, the pathologist calls the police to
tell them what has happened.

"First body: a Mhaya, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says
the pathologist.

"Second body: "a mkuria, 25, won a hundred thousand shillings in the
sweepstakes, spent it all on whisky & gongo. Died of alcohol
poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the pathologist, "this is the most unusual one.,
mnyakyusa in from mbeya, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"he Thought he was having his picture taken."

I see u...!!!

Prescription....

Warren Buffett

Boss!

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. 'Hello ?'

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

'Yes,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, 'No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' 'Yes'

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman.'

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

'No, he's busy,' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

'Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,

'The search team just landed a helicopter'

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

'ME.'

The man called Adam Lusekelo!

Shkamoo Mzee Kikwete

Ah so. Mzee Dr Mohamed Gharib Bilal has bounced back as running mate of the incumbent president, Jack Mrisho Kikwete. Fine. Makes one think, who is he? The Mzee has been hovering in the background of the Zanzibar politics for ages.

One would have thought that he would have retired from Zanzibar politics and play with grandkids while sipping spiced tea. Not Mzee Bilal. He seemed to enjoy the political fray in the Isles. His opponents cursed him and most have wished that he would disappear in some forest in Zenj. But he would not go away.

He looks quite a spright old fellow and maybe he should stick around, laying foundation stones, opening dispensaries and having spiced teas. As you know, in most of our countries, these old guys never retire. PS and an assortment of civil servants can retire. Not politicians.

It reminds one 0f the late Mzee Deng-Tsiao Ping in Chinese politics of the mid-80. Father of China, the late Mao-Tse-Tung tried very much to oust this communist comrade, but Mzee Teng just would not go away. He eventually achieved power when Mao died. Now Mzee Teng is credited to the four modernizations which have made China a world power.

Old chaps can be quite handy in some places. They have a tendency to say ‘No’ and mean just that. Stubborn is the word. Teng Tsiao Ping stood up to the late Chairman Mao
To the chagrin of his boss and in the end he won with his neck intact on his shoulder.

In Bongo what we see is a bunch of psychophants who would agree with anything to please their boss. I hope Dr Bilal means it when he says that he will work diligently and obey the boss. I am sure in his age, he has come to realize that sometimes ‘working dilligently’ means saying ‘No’ to the boss. You see bosses all over the world always listen to what they want to hear and disregard the rest.

Most of us have never liked the scandals which have beset the outgoing government. Most of us are outraged with a sense of impunity by our rulers and no punishment for it. Is Dr Bilal going to look at Jack Mrisho in the eye and tell him, frankly, that this cannot go on? We hope so.

Oh, by the by, how will these two guys greet each when they meet at work? I find it hard to imagine Dr Bilal smiling sheepishly at his boss and saying: “Shkamoo, Mheshimiwa rais…”

I think they will resort to: “Assalam Aleykum.” Will be in order. Although The Prez, Jack is quite westernized and for the rest of us he does not mind a: “Hi Mr President…”

You see, why I am saying that, is because there are all those boot-lickers who grovel to power to the extent of embarrassing most other people. Something like: “Shkamoo mtukufu rais. Everything is ready mzee…”

Mzee? Surely Jack is not a mzee. He is middle-aged and to see old octogenarians address him as ‘mzee’ is liable to make us faint.